About TetonTrekker

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#019 The Quest for the Holy Grail of Staplers

Posted by TetonTrekker on May 3, 2018 in Morning Coffee |

I can make a computer bend to my will, I can make MS Excel obey my every command, I speak in several computer languages, BUT, my kingdom for a stapler that works every time! Staplers are my office nemesis, invented in 1866 by a man, for the sole purpose to taunt me. Interestingly enough the staple remover was not invented until 1930’s, patented by a man, but I’m sure a woman had something to do with it.

It’s now 2018 and staplers come in all sizes and shapes, but not much has changed. From the little pocket size staplers to industrial monsters, from looks that have not changed in 100 years to stiletto shaped staplers, still, they taunt me.



For a short time I thought  I found the Holy Grail. A stapler I liked. It was one of those ones that stand on their nose, gray in color, nothing extra. It worked almost every time and we had a good relationship. But in the end, it to, taunted me.

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The Stapler of Caerbannog

One day it stopped working so I opened it to see that it only had a three or four staple stack left in it. When I went to dump them out and give it a refill the stack would not just fall out of the device, so I put my fingernail under it to loosen it up. As soon as I touched the stack it flipped on it’s side and dropped into the firing chamber.

Just like that! It became the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered stapler you ever set eyes on! The Stapler of Caerbannog. The little stack of staples jammed sideways in the firing chamber, I could not shake them loose, pry them loose, or curse them loose. I closed the stapler to try to push it a bit, hoping to even out how it was laying in the chamber. When I tried to open it, the beast was jammed shut. I hit it a few times on the desk then tried again. Still no luck. I gave it a strong pull, and in an instant, like a stubborn bag of potato chips, the stapler opened and all the innards flew out into the air! For one brief moment, I saw all the springs and fasteners silhouetted against the lights of the office window, and then they were gone. I swear I heard the stapler say “Your Mother was a Hamster, and your Father smelt of Elderberries! Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.”

I gathered all the pieces-parts from the desk, floor, and my lap and put it aside for the day.

Oh, oh I see. Running away, eh?! You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what’s coming to you! I’ll bite your legs off!!”

 
The next day I tried to put it back together but all the kings horses and all the kings men could not put that little sucker back together again, so I tossed it into the garbage. I heard a small voice come from the can “All right, we’ll call it a draw.”
 

This heavy duty model has a face only a Kaiju could love. It taunts me too.

I have used several different staplers since then, all of them taunt me. The stapler currently on my desk is a Swingline made of heavy pot metal (pictured in the head of this post).  It works well, rarely jamming, and I can use it as a weapon if needed.

I’m still searching for the perfect stapler. If you hear a woman’s voice at you local office supply shop asking “What is the airspeed velocity of an broken stapler?”  That’s just me, on my Quest for the Holy Grail of Staplers.

 


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EFTPS for Beginners

Posted by TetonTrekker on May 2, 2018 in Fly By Posting, Internet, Tips for the common user |

A couple years ago I typed up some simple instructions for a family member on how to enter payroll taxes in the IRS EFTPS system. I remembered how intimidated it felt. the first time I used it. E – Electronic F – Federal T – Tax P – Payment S – System A few weeks ago I needed my […]

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#015 99% of People Will Get This Wrong

Posted by TetonTrekker on April 15, 2018 in Internet, Morning Coffee |

Life is a word problem.

Order of Operation: Parenthesis or brackets, exponents, multiply or divide, addition or subtraction.

When looking at the meme we are expected to remember the order of operation or PEMDAS. But, if you think of it as a trip to your local home and garden store it should make more sense. We do problems like this one in our head weekly and probably don’t even think of it as a word problem.

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Getting Started with MS Excel

Posted by TetonTrekker on March 17, 2018 in Excel, Questions & Answers, Tips for the common user |

My first introduction to Microsoft Excel was in the early 90’s. I remember when I first opened it and looked at those little boxes I thought to myself “What the heck do I do with this?”. I looked around the menu items and closed the program for the day to let my brain take it […]

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STOP YELLING!

Posted by TetonTrekker on March 14, 2018 in Customer Service, Fly By Posting, Internet, Tips for the common user, Toxic Thana, Word |

Unlocking the Cap Key I remember the 90’s, I was using a Zenith Computer with DOS programs and the Caps Lock key always on. Like my old 8-track tapes, those days have past. One of my first world pet peeves is people who type in all CAPITOL LETTERS, it is hard to read and hurts […]

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